There’s no doubt in my mind that self-love is synonymous with seeking more whimsy, wonder and enchantment. For when you love yourself unconditionally, you also fall more deeply in love with everything around you.
Today I’m joined by one of my dearest friends Kirsty Dee who is a self-love coach who empowers women to deeply love themselves through her Dreamer’s Sisterhood Self-Love School Membership and other magical offerings.
Last year, I was blessed to have had the chance to interview Kirsty that you can read right here.
Today, Kirsty has once again blessed my dearest darling online home here with her top self-love tips that will help you to elevate your sense of wonder and reverence so you can not only fall in love with yourself but also fall in love with the world around you that will naturally lead to more whimsical, wondrous, enchanted moments.
For love always wants to exist in abundance with the beloved. Always. I know so deeply that it has been in the periods of my life that I have spent without self-love, worthiness and self-acceptance that has brought me some of my heaviest pain. And most disenchanted moments.
So, here’s to you opening up your heart to your love and magic that’s going to connect you to your deepest desires and most magical moments.
After you’ve finished reading, please share with me and Kirsty your own experiences of your self-love journey.
What is Self-Love, and why is it SO important?
Self-love is something that’s given a lot of hype but it’s rarely understood. It can be a bit of a minefield to define as everyone will define self-love differently.
Self-Love is not about bubble baths, that’s self-care (providing that’s your sort of thing, and that of course matters).
Self-love requires self-care but self-care is not self-love. In fact, we can even mask over self-love by saying we are ‘doing it’ because we do self-care, but really we are just avoiding our emotional pain.
To me, self-love is giving yourself love especially in those seasons where you look in the mirror and don’t feel enough. It’s when you feel like a failure or you’re struggling and you give yourself compassion as you would to a friend.
It is after all called self-love for a reason, so it requires giving yourself love, just like you do with others.
It’s not about accumulation, because when anyone has an agenda it doesn’t feel good so this applies to you. It’s about losing the agenda with yourself on how you should feel and instead, being kind and intentional.
It’s about actually being the kind of friend to yourself that you’d want. It’s when you feel well, you celebrate yourself. I rarely ever come across anyone that doesn’t struggle with this at times because so much of what we do is unconscious.
Think of all those thoughts you have that if you could choose, you wouldn’t choose them because they are mean to you. I don’t believe in omitting ourselves from self-love because the critic within is being mean, I believe that’s when it matters the most. That’s when we must give ourselves the most love and compassion so we can change things for the better going forward. That’s accountability and accountability matters.
Even those that say they love themselves often don’t speak and treat themselves like someone they love whether consciously or unconsciously and that’s just human.
Something I hear countlessly is how it’s the hardest thing, how people can’t love themselves, how they aren’t very good at it, and how much they struggle with this but I don’t believe that’s what self-love is.
Self-love is as I say, giving yourself love especially when you’re struggling. Self-love is showing up for yourself. What I know to be true, is, it’s hard because:
A) we have resistance to loving ourselves, in a world where we are often told it’s vanity, conceited or that we are selfish for loving ourselves the very act of self-love is pretty bold and audacious in itself (sad but true).
B) we are often pretty unforgiving. We judge others and we judge ourselves. We use our past and how we are doing as evidence of why we shouldn’t love ourselves.
C) it’s work and it’s inconvenient. It’s ‘easier’ to bury our head, but the reality is, it isn’t, because all those insecurities, all that resistance, all that fear, all those feelings of not-enoughness, is still there.
I often find people have to get to a point when they realise they can’t keep doing this anymore and they start doing the work. I don’t think it’s essential or a requirement to get to that place first, but it’s often what happens.
I define self-love as the relationship with yourself, that like any relationship is work. Any relationship that thrives is not an accident, it’s very intentional. You show up, engaged.
Not sure where to start on your self-love journey? Here are my 5 top tips to get started:
5 Self-Love Tips for Seeking More Whimsy, Wonder and Enchantment
Self Love Tip 1: Self-Trust
As I said above, self-love is the relationship to yourself and the reason we struggle with it is that we have a somewhat deluded view of how that should be and thus we set ourselves up to feel like we can’t do it.
That somehow we are doing it wrong and that we can’t do it. This is simply not true.
Everyone is gonna tell you how to do self-love, but the truth is only you know what’s best for you.
Trust your process and route. There is no one way.
Practice trusting yourself.
Remember self-love is not a destination, it’s a practise, it’s a relationship.
Self Love Tip 2: Nourishing Relationships
Look at your relationships from family, to colleagues to friendships. All your relationships. Where do you get out of your power? What impacts you? Do the work there and give yourself so much love and compassion.
Nothing derails us as relationships do, but the truth is, it doesn’t have to be like this.
To go back to point one, trust yourself. When you trust yourself you can hold boundaries and build relationships that actually nourish you.
Self-Love Tip 3: What do you need?
Regularly, ask yourself, what do I need and want?
Society and conditioning have us believing it’s selfish to do this, but the truth is, it’s selfish not to. Que resentment, bitterness and burn out!
I’m a Mum of two and the pandemic made taking care of myself around running a business and homeschooling with a hubby who works a lot really challenging. Yet, life is much harder when I don’t take care of myself.
It’s simple sustainable things. If it’s not sustainable then we won’t stick to it. So, just know your ego lies to you and tells you it’s not enough, that’s the work right there to ask yourself what you need in these moments.
It can be anything from reminding yourself to be compassionate with yourself to take the time to exercise. Not because there’s a goal attached to it, but because you treat yourself like someone that matters. This is important for your kids to see if you have them, but more than that love is not just words, it’s action.
Our action has to align up. If we say we love ourselves but don’t treat ourselves like we do, we’ll never feel well.
We all know someone who’s said all the right things but hasn’t treat us well, it hurts.
So, your words to yourself are important but all the mantras without the action don’t work.
When I say action, as I say, it has to be sustainable. If you already free overwhelmed, then your action could actually be doing less and trusting it’s enough. Make a plan to be more supported. Be willing to disappoint people, back to point two. If you fear disappointing others and letting people down, then that’s your work.
Self-Love Tip 4: Allow Yourself To Be Supported
Allow yourself to be supported. However, support looks for you.
No one is self-made and you get no prizes for doing everything all on your own.
Support doesn’t have to be big grande things where we find ourselves going, “well that be nice, if only.”
You have to be open and available for it by starting where you are. It can start by simply putting yourself in communities with others who are doing this work so you know you aren’t alone and unfollowing what makes you feel rubbish.
Or if can be asking for help, hiring a coach, joining a programme (like my membership Dreamers Sisterhood). Start wherever you are. Just be open and available for it. Nobody thrives by doing it all on their own.
Self-Love Tip 5: Awareness
Pay attention to your fears and create separation from them.
Mindfulness work alongside getting into your body and learning to honour your emotions without shaming yourself is a gamechanger. It takes consistent work but it’s so powerful.
Remember you are worth the effort
Dreamers Sisterhood: Self-Love School For Enchanted Seekers
If you want to be in community and sisterhood on your self-love journey then Dreamers Sisterhood is the woman’s empowerment membership AKA self-love school.
It’s all the stuff you didn’t learn at school like how to love yourself, how to honour your emotions, soul-nourishing relationships, mindset and so much more.
If you’re desiring this, this April you get a FREE month of Dreamers Sisterhood to trial when you enrol for my next masterclass The Gift Of Sensitivity that you can read more about below.
The Gift Of Sensitivity
We were taught that our sensitivity was a weakness, not a strength.
But you have such a gift right in the palm of your hands, but nobody has ever told you how to harness it.
You have struggled many times with your emotions, thoughts and feelings. You have felt pain, probably deep pain, maybe you currently are and because of that sometimes you might wish or may have wished in the past that you just didn’t feel things so much, that you just didn’t care so much. Feeling things deeply, getting into our heads, and our heart feels heavy and worrying is not easy. Wanting reassurance because the world never taught us our feels were okay has not been easy. Feeling misunderstood, feeling people often don’t get you, even family sometimes don’t, is hard.
You have the ability to have the most amount of joy because you are a deep feeling being. You have the ability to have the most incredible relationships because you see and feel things others don’t. You have such divine power right at your fingertips. When your sensitivity is seen for the gift it is, you’ll see just how much wisdom it holds.
You’ve probably been told that you’re “too sensitive”, “too nice”, that you “think too much” (rude) and perhaps sometimes that’s true, but it’s also incredibly rude.
‘The Gift Of Sensitivity’ is a masterclass where I’ll teach you how to use the gift of your sensitivity as your superpower.
See, your sensitivity is not a flaw, a weakness and it doesn’t make you fragile, know it makes you incredible. The opposite of sensitivity is insensitive.
THIS IS WHERE WE TAKE THAT WISDOM AND WE ALCHEMISE IT INTO SOMETHING INCREDIBLE AND I’M GONNA SHOW YOU HOW
HERE YOU AREN’T ALONE. HERE YOU ARE SEEN, LOVED AND CELEBRATED TO FULLY TAP INTO THIS DIVINE GIFT
♥ Connect with Kirsty Dee ♥
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Georgie xoxo is a blog for those seeking everyday whimsy, with a heart full of wanderlust focusing on travel adventures, pretty crafts, chronic illness and words on finding the meaning in life through wonder and enchantment.
It’s my ultimate hope that there has been something on my blog that has enabled you to travel into the deepest realms of wonder and enchantment so that you can truly feel and embody your own world, and the world around you, that can be filled with more magic than you could possibly imagine.
By supporting Georgie xoxo on Kofi, you enable me to bring these ideas and whimsical tales to life. Thank you in abundance for your love and support that is the strength that I use to create impossible things.