Connecting Back To Our Bodies and to Mother Earth Through The Way Of The Womb: An Interview with Bec Wallis Birth Keeper

Connecting Back To Our Bodies and to Mother Earth Through The Way Of The Womb: An Interview with Bec Wallis Birth Keeper

October is Pituitary Awareness Month and whilst last year I wrote vulnerably about my experience of Living With a Prolactinoma, this year I wanted to mark this event by inviting Bec Wallis, an empowered birth keeper and healer, onto my blog to discuss how we can come home to our bodies and Mother Earth through the way of the womb.

I have a very complicated relationship with menstruation and I live with the trio of a Prolactinoma, PCOs and Endometriosis.

As a result of living with these conditions, I never started my periods properly. And at this time in life, I still have no regular monthly period despite 10 years of medication to treat all of the above with their endless pills, potions and incredibly invasive treatments.

This lack of the seemingly ‘normal’ 28-day cycle, coupled with intense pain and a myriad of other hormonal complications, has left a scar of me being deeply unconnected with my soul femininity that has plagued me throughout my teens and twenties.

However as I look back on my Living With a Prolactinoma post from last year, I realise how much I have changed in just a year. I am no longer at war with my body. I meet it with love even when the most heartbreaking and insidious symptoms arise. I marvel at it working so hard to keep me here. Even when I do bleed now, it’s nothing short of a blessing, including whatever else may come with it.

It has felt like a true homecoming and there are so many parts of this conversation with Bec that has helped to further heal my body, heart and soul.

Throughout this year I’ve really wanted to just bathe in the medicine of healer’s like Bec that can impart their wisdom and alchemy into my imagination. I want to learn, unlearn and sit at the feet of anyone who has teachings for me so that I can just receive it all into my bones.

In acknowledgement of this, and my desires to have this space holding for me, it has allowed me to have a much needed break from posting too much about my own journey. So today, I, like you, am here to listen and be held in the womb of love, understanding and transformation from Bec.

This conversation feels like a reclamation. So, grab your favourite nourishing beverage and take some time to absorb this wisdom. You can either read the transcript or you can listen to the audios directly from Bec on the journey of her own healing and her adventure into the ancient craft of midwifery as a birth keeper and doula.

Hi Bec! Thank you so much for your time. Please can you give my readers a quick introduction to you, where you live and what you do?

So thank you so much for having me and inviting me into this beautiful space. It’s so lovely to connect with you and I’m so grateful for this connection. 

My name’s Bec and I am originally from Liverpool however for the past few years I have been travelling around Asia and living amongst beautiful people from all around the world. 

Now I’m settled in Glastonbury after about seven years, finally putting in roots to this beautiful space which lies upon the deep ley lines of the Earth, which is the heart chakra of the Earth. 

I’m so grateful to be here and I’ve already been so caught up in all the beautiful energy from this place. I feel like I’m really being held in an energetic womb of love and the energy here that is actually really similar to Bali. I don’t know whether you or any of your readers have been there before but it’s really magic.

Now I’m here I really am just embodying and soaking in all of the beauty here and coming home to myself and my journey that has been into the Duola realms of birthing and helping both women and men, birthing their babies and coming home to the most empowered place they they can to journey into the process of the rite of passage that is birth and childbirth. 

I now offer womb healing. This is to help people journey to deeper connections into their womb space to release emotions from this place and come home and meet themselves or come home to their bodies so they can learn to work not from the mind, or things we’ve learnt such as ‘this is what we need to do’ and ‘this is how we’re meant to live, in this masculine, energetic society’. But that we’re able to really tap into the feminine and be able to work from there. 

The true essence of the divine feminine is to tap into our intuition and the wisdom that we hold within our wombs. So this is really powerful for people who are feeling a disconnect from themselves, wanting to process emotions, to learn about themselves and release and embody their true power. 

I also offer birth guidance and attend births for women and men to have, and experience, the most empowered birth that they can. And also bringing couples into it as well. To really allowing ourselves to just embody the primitive raw essence that is birth and do it in a safe and supported environment where they feel this isn’t just something that happens to their body, but rather it’s something which is profound and an experience to embody the beautiful journey to meet your baby.

You’re a Trauma-informed Doula Guiding women to experience empowered Pregnancy and Birth with a deep connection to their bodies. Can you tell my readers all about this unique spiritual path?

Well, I feel like this is a beautiful question. Thank you for asking me this.

So truly I think one of the most profound things that has happened to me that has really brought me on this journey was the death of my dad. I didn’t know this at the time, but through the death of him, emerged the rebirth of me. And through his death, it has really brought me to a deep understanding of myself and it still does all the time. And I’m like, fuck, so many things are coming through that wouldn’t have come through if he was still here.

Of course, I miss him every day and wish that he was still here. I know that everything that I’m experiencing is off the back of the loss of him in my life is bringing me closer to myself. And I think every experience I’ve had since then has really shaped my spiritual journey. More than I probably even understand.

Through my relationships, to my spiritual practises. One of the big ones for me was my yoga teacher training after I got diagnosed with my Psychosomatic Disorder where I was really struggling to meditate. It’s something I’ve been doing for years but I was feeling a lot of resistance and I was getting a lot of jaw pain when I was meditating. I knew I really had to start doing more embodiment practices. 

I started doing yoga and I did my yoga teacher training in India and met my body in ways that I didn’t know I could possibly even imagine doing. In meeting my body it brought up and released so many profound things for me and it showed me things about myself and how actually my body is working for me and not against me. Because of all my physical symptoms, I was like, ‘why does my body hate me? What is happening to me?’ 

It really just showed me actually that this isn’t the case, actually, it is just when these things appear in my body, it’s actually just being like paired back. We need to look at something here. So to even have that realisation changed everything for me. 

Off the back of that was when I was in that space in India by the river Ganges in Rishikesh where I met lots of beautiful people and one of them had spoken to me about the Doula journey because I’d always wanted to do midwifery, but it just didn’t sit right with me. The alignment of Midwifery was to do with hospitals and it was very hospital bed based. 

So I spoke to one of the girls on the course about it, and she said, ‘what about doing Doula work’? And I was like, ‘what is this’? I researched and was like, oh, my gosh, this is me! This is exactly what I should be doing. And so I found myself off the back of a Full Moon ritual I went to booking a course in Glastonbury in January. 

Very synchronically, my course happened to be on the date of my dad’s birthday and I got the sixth place. Six is my number and all these beautiful things happened for me that just meant that I ended up in Glastonbury on this course. 

I have never felt more passionate about something in my entire life and always knew that I was meant to do something that meant something to people. But I just didn’t know what. 

I really found that when I went to my training. It all kind of happened that now I now live with my Doula trainer so I’m in her wisdom constantly, which is just magic. 

It was never my plan to move to Glastonbury, but here I am. It’s all fallen into place for me. Very perfectly so it’s just been so profound. 

Embodiment practises have been a huge part for me. An ecstatic dance and connecting to people through soul gaze, which is a process of doing an eye gaze and with another person and just truly finding myself being mirrored through the eyes of another person and realising that we are all so connected and also connected to the Earth.

I am the tunnel for light language, which is a practise of burying my roots of my womb deep into Mother Earth. I have words and sounds of music that flows through me. They are not mine and it’s something I’ve only just recently started sharing about, but it’s been very interesting. 

I did a Tantra activation a few weeks ago where I spoke to a beautiful lady who I’d worked with when I was staying in Bali and I did a Tantra activation with her and the light language flowed.

What I didn’t know is that she was also a channel and she started channelling and we had a conversation that was not a language from this Earth. I know that it’s going back to my ancestry because I’ve done a lot of ancestry work and it’s all to do with and warriors and tribes and people who lived off the earth and people who used to gather in Red Tents when women would bleed. It’s all very synchronistic and it will make so much sense.

Just when I allowed myself to open up that portal to my womb all this magic of my true essence came to flow through me and my soul spoke to me and is still speaking to me through profound realisations. 

Plant medicine and veganism opened up everything for me. Through veganism my connection to the Earth became much stronger and through working with Plant medicines such as Kambo, Sananga and San Pedro the journey to myself just skyrocketed. The journey to the Earth and through that process, I’ve heard my soul speak for the first time in my life. 

I’ve got goosebumps now talking about it, because it’s not actually anything that’s outside of me, it’s all things that are within me that I’ve just now had an outlet.

I’m only at the beginning of tapping in because I know there is immense wisdom within me and within every single human on this Earth. And we are just taught not to trust them. And it’s not our fault that we feel such disconnect. But it is our responsibility to come home to ourselves.

What offerings or practices do you offer to help women become more empowered and reclaim this deep connection back home to our bodies?

So I offer one to one womb healing and the journey that I offer is called ‘Returning Home’ and it is about tapping into the womb space and cultivating that connection that we have been taught not to listen to.

Everything we’ve learnt in this society is about being disconnected, not trusting our bodies, and it’s about undoing that and allowing us to feel empowered and trust in ourselves and feeling at home in our bodies and just tapping into that space before we make big decisions. Before we do things, and just saying, how does this truly feel? What is my soul truly calling for? So it’s a six-week journey but I offer for women’s bodies to truly journey and just cultivate a sense of deep trust. 

In the Doula realms, I offer support throughout pregnancy and birth. We use different modalities, such as embodiment practises, meditation and some Tantric work that comes through by connecting to partners and to yourself

It empowers you to be able to make decisions in alignment about what feels good for you. Not what we’re told ‘should’ feel good, or not what we’re told we ‘must’ do or ‘mustn’t’ do because each path is so unique to each person. 

So it’s really about tapping in and asking ‘what would feel most empowering for me?’ and then cultivating that wisdom to know that is what we can experience.

That is truly what my offer can give to people, it’s that inner knowing and guidance, the support and safety, and also having the exact birth we want. Even if the birth doesn’t go exactly to plan, and what your birth preferences are, you can truly be okay with whatever experience you have because whatever experience you have, you can still make it your own. 

It’s about informing, educating and supporting in safety, in love and really tapping into what the person in question would like to experience. And really knowing that that is something that can be true. It’s not just something that we want and we go, ‘oh, I hope it happens.’ No, we can experience that no matter what.

Our birth story isn’t just about us it’s about the baby as well. The baby may have a plan that is different than our plan. And that’s okay because every birth is sacred and every birth is beautiful. It’s just about making people feel safe and empowered on their journey and connected and really present with the whole experience of overcoming any fears around birth. And any potential things that could come up, that may come along with unfavourable or difficult emotions, we can really heal through that.

When we allow ourselves to feel deeply connected to our bodies our spiritual gifts open to us and we become naturally more in tune with the rhythms and cycles of the universe. Can you guide my readers through how they can start to connect to this magic, even when menstruation can be a painful thing to experience with PCOs and similar conditions? 

So a powerful way of really connecting into our cycles is through the Earth, the universe and the Moon. The natural cycles of our body. If you are someone who has a monthly bleed or an irregular bleed, it’s really potent to tap into what it is that our body is trying to tell us.

Everything that happens in our body are messages that are trying to tell us something. Our body wants to work with us. It doesn’t want to work against us. It’s about really coming to be aware that menstruation, or our moon cycles, and our bleeding, has been something that we’ve really been taught is a thing we have to deal with. 

Like when you look at things like advertisements, even if you Google things about periods and menstrual cycles, you’ll see memes and write-ups and things that people have written up like, ‘I’m bleeding. Why do I have to do this? Men don’t have to experience this’ and men do experience this too. Men can bleed too and it’s really important that we acknowledge that. 

If we really can tap into that space and be okay with where we’re at, and we can then listen to our bodies rather than trying to constantly try to fix. When we listen to our body, it wants to tell us something, our it’s telling us what our body wants to journey.

From there we can truly heal and create a better relationship and understand why things are happening the way they are. I truly believe that our body contains an imprint of how we mentally and emotionally show up in this world. It’s not always linear, it can be a deeply emotional journey but it is a journey that is truly beyond words when you make that connection with yourself or come home to yourself. It is absolute magic. 

So what I would recommend to really start building that relationship with yourself and with our bodies is to lie down and bend your knees whilst putting your feet flat on the Earth. Allow the knees to drop out and then place your hands onto your womb space. Next, just start to breathe really deeply and connect into that space. Notice what comes up in your body. You can put on some beautiful music on or light some candles, and cultivate that loving connection that you want to feel with a lover,  how you want to feel with the Earth, and how you want to feel within yourself.

It’s not something that will come through straight away, especially if you’ve been very disconnected with your body. It’s is a journey and it is something that we must continuously show up and do whether it’s 5 minutes a day or twice a week.

However much you can manage it, just breathing into this space and just asking, ‘what needs to arise today? What do I need to know right now? Then journaling on it. It might be something like ‘I don’t know why Larry from Year 6 has popped into my head’ but it’s all relevant!

When we start writing and start expressing ourselves, nuggets of wisdom constantly flow through and everything starts to make sense. It doesn’t have to make sense in the words that you write. You can just jot things down or you can speak out loud. Or you can discuss it with a close friend or a partner. 

But once we start connecting to this it’s magic. Through our cycles, once we start to understand what happens to our body when we bleed, it is profound. Because every time we bleed, it is a true gift that we are able to release.

Before we bleed, I know a lot of people, we call it PMS (premenstrual syndrome) but this term doesn’t resonate with me because we’re not suffering from something. It’s not a syndrome. What happens in our premenstrual cycle is that it illuminates the veil between our subconscious and unconscious mind. It’s why we experience sensitivity like deep emotions that may come up alongside things we’ve been struggling with that maybe are more at the forefront of our mind. We may feel that we become more reactive to it.

This is because our body, our minds and our spiritual essence is allowing us to come up with whatever is no longer serving us and with what we need to release. When we can be aware of this and go, right, this is what’s coming up for me before my bleed, I now know what I need to release, we can release that in our bleed our body sheds with us.

So when we bleed it’s also symbolic. And when we bleed, we can connect that with the New Moon, the Dark Moon, that is a time to rest and contemplate what has gone on.

Our bleed is also represented in the season of Winter. So in Autumn, the leaves are starting to fall, and we’re wanting to be around warmth and really coming home to ourselves. Then Winter comes, we start shedding, and when we bleed, it’s about releasing, resting and letting go.

If we can tap into this cycle and tap into the energy of Winter, the energy of rest, and listen to what our bodies need, then it will really help us to release.

Then after winter comes Spring when we start to feel refreshed and our energy starts to build in time for the Summer when we ovulate. The Summer ovulation is the Full Moon. The full power and energetic imprint of the divine feminine rising from within us. Everything we see in nature truly is a symbol for what we experience in our bodies. 

So this is our seasonal moon cycles, even looking at plants and how the flowers blossom and then come back. And also butterflies, how they emerge, fly and then fall, and their life is all about death and rebirth. And similarly, every month that we bleed we have a chance to rebirth.

Every bleed is the death of who we are and the rebirth of the person we will become. When we become that person with each moon cycle, we are a little bit wiser and a little bit lighter. It’s just a beautiful gift that we are able to truly embody and physically shed and release the things that are no longer serving us.

When you tap into that power of physically being able to bleed to release and shed and express it is profound. Then every cycle is the potential of new life. That’s why we bleed so that we can potentially birth new life. So every bleed is literally an opportunity for us to grow and prepare for a child’s birth, which is why they really can come together. And through tapping into the womb space and our cycles this can then lead onto childbirth if people want to journey with that.

If you’re reading this and you’re not someone who experiences a bleed monthly, or you’re in your wisdom phase of menopause, you can truly tap in by using the Lunar cycles. I would also say it’s really powerful to track your cycle. Even writing a word down a day of what emotions are coming up. Are you feeling energetic, do you feel emotional and what emotion is coming up? It’s about really allowing yourself to just sit with that and contemplate, alongside doing your 5 minutes of womb meditation. It all comes into together and it’s all interconnected and intertwined as we are with the Earth, the cycles of the moon and the energy of this Earth. 

Have any fears, obstacles or unexpected surprises showed up along the way as you have worked on facilitating this work? And from rising into priestesshood? 

So many fears obstacles and surprises have shown up for me as I’ve started doing this work and experiences as well. It’s just been really profound.

Through my mental health journey, I was so disconnected from my body and I have experienced and have been diagnosed something called Psychosomatic Disorder, which means that when you suppress emotions to such an extent, they start coming out as physical symptoms. 

So for me, I would experience sensations in my body such as panic attacks, leg pain, irregular periods and spasms in my hands, legs, vertigo and a number of different things that I still sometimes experience. 

We are all on this journey and its not linear and there’s no end goal. It’s just meeting myself where I’m at. When I’m truly becoming aware that my body is releasing these things for me, that I felt I was unable to subconsciously release that I wasn’t even aware of, its changed my whole life, and I’ve met myself in ways I didn’t even know I needed to. 

This is such deep work and most of the people that I have met don’t really enjoy their periods, they feel disconnected and sometimes even have hatred towards their period and that time of the month. The feelings that they experience, and we’re taught, is that that ‘it’s not normal’ and you hear sometimes women get spoken to like, ‘don’t go near her she’s about to bleed so her emotions are all over the place’, but no, it’s a sacred thing. If we can start embodying that ourselves, honouring and being grateful for the process that we can have within us, then other people can start seeing it differently too. 

We are in a time when the feminine is rising and the energy that’s happening in this world is coming to the forefront, and it’s time to awaken the healer, the shaman within us within our womb space because that’s where she resides, and she is there and all we have to do is listen if we know how. 

So the obstacles I faced a lot of past trauma, a lot of unhealed emotions have come up for me which I’ve been journeying with and still am. To do with ex-relationships, childhood emotions and abuse. So many things have come up for me. I didn’t expect it to be so profound and so life-changing and it really has been.

Since stepping into my Priesthesshood, I have been open to a world of sisterhood, support, love and once we actually tap into this space within ourselves, of loving our bodies and loving our cycles, or even just creating that space, because it can take a long time sometimes. But just appreciating what is happening to us, and understanding what we’re experiencing can truly empower you in every aspect of your life.

Photography: Stephanie Marques

What routines and rituals for the soul do you practise each day/on a regular basis that help you feel connected to both yourself and the world around you? 

So every day I will do a ritual of womb meditation. I do about 30 to 40 minutes of womb meditation every day and womb pulsating where you tap into the pulse, or the heartbeat of your womb and see what needs to arise.

I practice yoga, daily when I can, which is normally quite a slow Yin practice. That’s because I’m very fast-paced and I like do to everything  500 mph so it really grounds me and just reminds me to connect into my power and my body’s wisdom.

I practice Uddiyana bandha which is a practice of abdominal locking so, to look internally within the stomach and womb space and activating the power that we would never normally tap into. That’s something that’s been part of my daily practice. 

Also having a green juice in the morning and drinking lots of water. And just really asking myself what do I need? Also, I have a big love of burning sage and incense and I do a lot of chanting and Oracle readings and shamanic work with shamanic instruments such as rattles and drumming to disperse any stuck energy within my womb space and heart chakra. 

I am currently microdosing some San Pedro which is the grandfather cactus plants of the Earth and it is a heart-opening medicine which just allows me to always come back to the heart and work from that centre rather than an outside source. 

Also going out into nature is something I do every day. I put my feet on the Earth, grounding into Mother Earth and just connecting back to her. And it’s something we can do simply without even people being aware of. Just taking off shoes and socks off and just walking on the Earth and feeling how she feels. Our hands to the Earth and just saying thank you, and you know people like ‘oh, it’s so hippy’, but it doesn’t have to be. She actually is medicine. She gives us everything we need in this life. I’m so grateful to her. 

I also work a lot with the elements, so everyday I will speak to the elements of Earth, Air, Fire and Water, and calling the energies of North, South, East and West. It changes daily what my routines and rituals are. Some days I work with Goddesess and other days I work with Shamanic energies or just the elements and it’s just a really intuitive thing. But connecting to the Earth and meditation and an embodiment practise.

I dance a lot as well it’s really profound. Journaling is also something I do daily and mirror gazing. So really looking into your eyes and saying what needs to come up today.

So that’s a lot of routines and rituals but some of the ones I do they’re not linear, they do change depending on how I’m feeling and where I am in my cycle.

I just meet myself where I am and do whatever I need to do that day. I get that answer by asking my womb space, and by asking myself, what I need right now? What does my body need?

Describe your perfect day: 

My perfect day would be to wake up with beautiful sunshine. To wake up really early in the morning before the world wakes and go outside, to be naked and just grounding down into the Earth.

Then meditating and really connecting to the womb space, doing embodiment practices and just being present with myself. And feeling in alignment and knowing that the people around me are in alignment with who I am.

Describe yourself in 3 words: 

To describe myself in three words I would say: Open, kind, and earthy. 

Finally, Bec, what is your one wish for the world?

My one wish for the world is truly for people to stop rejecting parts of themselves. To know that it’s not our innate soul purpose to reject ourselves, it’s to embody ourselves and tap into the true power that we hold. And when we heal for ourselves we heal our ancestral lines, we heal for the children that come after us, and we heal for the world. 

And I wish for more people to embrace the divine feminine that is rising. That’s why now is such a potent time to do so. Because the feminine is rising and if we can tap in and take responsibility for our own healing in our own way, and in our own journeys, it starts a ripple effect. Through the work that we do spiritually, and in the self-development world, we can truly heal the Earth.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

I truly cannot thank Bec enough for this beautiful, raw and deeply inspiring conversation that I hope touches as many heart and soul’s as possible.

2020 has been a year of shedding what has been. To think that so much of this knowledge is centuries years old and to me, it all seems so new. How does that also make you feel? That this alchemy and potency has been hidden from us all this time?

My biggest takeaway was that I feel like I will never see bleeding in the same way again. The opportunity for constant renewal is a revelation to me and so deeply powerful.

Fundamentally, when we start to unravel the medicinal emotion in our bodies, it can lead to us becoming even more deeply connected into our sacred vessel. And when we allow this empowerment to flow through us, and we meet our inner feminine, well, who knows what magic we can do in the world? And who knows what life will birth us in return?

I would love to hear from you and hear about any takeaways or downloads that came to you through this medicine.

Once again, I am beyond grateful to Bec for her heart, her vulnerability and for making this world the most enchanted and wondrous place to be.

 CONNECT TO BEC WALLIS BIRTH KEEPER 

Bec Wallis Birth Keeper on Instagram

Way Of The Womb Podcast

Photography by Stephanie Marques

Sign up for Bec’s Divinity Women’s Circles

Share and Enjoy !

Shares
Womb Heart Alchemy for PCOs and Learning how to Embody Our Inner Goddess with Yoni Mystic Sabrina from Wild Gaia Wisdom

Womb Heart Alchemy for PCOs and Learning how to Embody Our Inner Goddess with Yoni Mystic Sabrina from Wild Gaia Wisdom

Have you heard of womb heart alchemy? September is PCOS Awareness Month and this month, I wanted to invite Sabrina from Wild Gaia Wisdom to share her medicine of womb heart alchemy with you all.

Sabrina is a Yoni Mystic who guides women on their path of stepping into their purpose and embodying their inner goddess.

Yoni is a Sanskrit word that has been interpreted to literally mean the womb and the female organs of generation. As a Yoni Mystic, Sabrina believes that we hold blockages in our lower chakras; as a result of storing any dense energies here.

Through her work, Sabrina teaches that when we can’t fully transmute the energy that flows through us into heart energy, that it will end up getting stuck in this powerful energy vortex of our womb space.

One way Sabrina guides women to embody womb heart alchemy and their inner goddess is through guided meditation. During this experience, Sabrina takes her women on a journey of self-healing and self-awareness around their womb space and yoni. This guided meditation creates a beautiful space for healing, activation and awakening of sacred sexuality, sensuality and connection to our goddess.

This summer I was blessed to experience one of Sabrina’s womb meditations that I found to be a powerful, unique healing experience for my PCOs and Endometriosis.

In this enlightened conversation, Sabrina will guide our hearts and our sacred womb together by bringing the opportunity to recalibrate the energy of our womb centre as we bring our soul and body into alignment

I hope you enjoy the medicine from Sabrina’s wisdom in this beautiful interview. It’s truly helped me to find the most nourishing ways for me to heal mentally from a lot of my gynaecological illnesses. I hope it can bring some light to you too.

Hi Sabrina! Thank you so much for your time. Please can you give my readers a quick introduction to you, where you live and what you do?

Hey Georgina, thank you for having me on your wonderful blog. I was born and grew up in Germany. In the past 4 years I travelled a lot after leaving the traditional career path behind. I am currently located in Portugal from where I guide women from all around the world on their path of remembering who they are, coming back home to the sacredness of their sexuality and stepping into their divine purpose on Earth.

You’re a Sensual Embodiment Coach, Intuitive Guide and Yoni Mystic. Can you tell my readers all about this unique spiritual path?

It’s a path of remembrance and activation of the soul through the feminine mysticism. Most of us grew up in a society that is conditioned by patriarchal concepts and understandings on how the world functions. We forget who we are and why we came here. We find ourselves exclusively operating from our analytical mind and think that’s all we need. Our life loses its magic. The feminine mysticism catapults us back into our original roots as human beings. We reclaim the sacredness of our sexual nature and become aware of our body’s wisdom, our heart’s voice and the tremendous potential of our life force energy pulsating in our pelvis.

Furthermore, we become aware of our own cyclical nature and the rhythms of the Earth which guides us back into a state of flow and surrender. We relearn how to listen to our intuition and make decisions based on the truth we feel in our heart rather than on fear. The path of the feminine mysticism is truly a wild ride in which we are thrown into our own darkness to release what doesn’t serve us anymore and keeps us from being the woman we truly are. It’s not comfortable, but the feminine continuously teaches us to enhance our capacity to hold both sides of the spectrum – the dark and the light – and get comfortable in the uncomfortable where true felt freedom can arise.

In forgiveness and with compassion first and foremost for ourselves and then for everyone else, we step out of our victimhood and realise that we are the creators of our life.

What offering or practices do you offer to help women become more empowered and reclaim their feminine power?

In my sessions and mentorships, I take women through a journey of releasing the conditionings, dogmas and shame that were imposed onto them since their birth, stem from other lifetimes and were passed on from their ancestors. I call my medicine “womb heart alchemy”.

Our heart as well as our womb carry a lot of pain and numbness rooted in traumatic experiences especially from our childhood and teenage years, but also caused by every other traumatic situation e.g. in our working life and relationships where our power was taken away from us.

It’s a process of becoming aware of and understanding how this has led to our current state of being, of forgiving ourselves and others, of releasing this trauma and the linked pattern physically, emotionally, mentally and energetically from our system and then of reclaiming our power through embodying our truth. Shedding all of these layers enables us to remember our intuitive gifts and activate our unique medicine we came here to share with the world.

Knowing how to access our life force energy which is our sexual energy and the same as our creative energy enables us to truly feel ourselves, to remember that we are love and to channel this energy into what we came here to create as well as enjoying our sexual pleasure which is our birthright as a human being.

My offerings are intuition-based and can include womb cleansing, inner child work, ancestral healing, emotional clearing, yoni healing, sacred sexuality and inner goddess embodiment.

I am also excited to announce that I created a Patreon membership, the GODDESS ASCENSION CIRCLE which starts in October and is an interactive community and support group for women who are on their purpose. We will have 4 live calls each month with embodiment through movement, sound, breath and touch as well as sharing and clearing circles, mentoring sessions, womb cleansing rituals and guided meditations. (Click here to sign up)

What could my community start doing today that would help towards leading lives infused with this magic? Where would you advise them to start their journey?

To start this journey, I would recommend reconnecting with nature and your body. Build a firm foundation with the Earth. In order to rise you need to root down first. Swim in the oceans and the rivers, walk barefoot on the ground, hug the trees, sleep under the night sky, give your menstrual blood back to the Earth, connect with the elements and dance underneath the full moon’s light. Start caring very well for your body’s needs for movement, rest and nourishment. Physical health is very important.

What you can immediately start with is placing your hands onto your womb as the first thing in the morning before you get up. Keep lying down, breathe deeply down into your lower belly so that your hands move up and down and feel into the sensations of your uterus and ovaries. Send love down into your womb space and listen if she has a message for you.

And, of course, dance! Shake your hips!

Have any fears, obstacles or unexpected surprises showed up along the way as you have worked on facilitating this work?

And now! All that I talk about now and offer I have gone through myself and of course, I am still on this path as more and more unfolds the deeper I journey.

First of all, I had to free myself from the fears of my parents as well as from my societal conditioning of leaving my “safe” job in the corporate world behind and stepping fully into the unknown.

Five years ago, when my heart told me to realise my childhood dream of free travelling around the world, I didn’t doubt the voice of my heart for one second and radically gave all my belongings away, cancelled my apartment, quit my relationship and job and went off on my own with a one-way ticket to India. I trusted my intuition, mastered all kinds of obstacles which I needed for my growth and finally, allowed me to follow the path of miracles.

I would say my biggest growth catalyst is building my business from scratch which purely comes from my soul’s purpose. Because building a soul-led business isn’t really something we grew up with and a totally new paradigm, I am challenged to lean into huge trust into myself as well as in life itself that I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now. It pushes me to the edges of my commitment to my mission in this life and the vision I carry in my heart for our Earth. It’s a wild ride, but I never felt more fulfilled and vibrantly alive in my whole body. I would say it’s my greatest spiritual teacher because it inevitably makes me aware of and pushes me to constantly face and transform my shadows with grace and courage.

September is PCOS Awareness Month and a condition I have had for over 10 years. Polycystic ovary syndrome (PCOS) is a condition that affects the way your ovaries work. This can make it more difficult to get pregnant and it can cause irregular periods, unwanted hair on your body and face, and acne.

This summer I was fortunate enough to take part in one of your Womb Cleansing sessions and it was life-changing. Please can you share with my readers more information about your sensual soul sessions? How can they help any of my readers with PCOS and similar conditions? Is there any other advice you’d like to share for those with PCOS through your work and wisdom?

First of all, I want to state that I am not a gynaecologist or similar in any form, but, of course, I love to share my point of view and wisdom on PCOS as I have many women coming to me with hormonal imbalances and the given appearances.

Everything that occurs to be out of balance with our uterus, ovaries and vagina shows a disconnection from our feminine essence. There’s a broad range of causes for that which needs to be addressed individually.

However, I feel it’s important to say here that our body is our friend and shows us with these symptoms what we are either not conscious of or what we don’t want to see. It’s an invitation for change, deep healing and transformation.

A woman’s body is incredibly delicate because we are meant to land souls on the Planet. Thus, our body makes sure that we are all healthy and vital so that we are able to grow a baby, a new life, inside of us.

It’s crucial to look after the quality of the food we eat, the water we drink and the air we breathe. When it’s full of toxins, it causes these imbalances. Secondly, we need to ask ourselves where we are out of balance within our own lifestyle. Do we overwork ourselves? Is there too much stress in our life? Do I honour the natural cycles of life that are represented through my menstrual cycle? Do I allow myself to rest when my body needs to? Do I actually feel in harmony within myself and live from my truth? Or do I only focus on fulfilling other people’s expectations? These are some examples of questions we need to ask ourselves.

Furthermore, our womb holds on to a lot of stuck emotions and trauma. It can be wounds we carry from our ancestors and we are here to release them now to not pass them on to the next generation. We also carry a lot of shame and guilt towards our sexuality which we can feel in the collective field, as well.

It can also be personally experienced trauma like a miscarriage, abortion or traumatic birth experience as well as sexual abuse and cords that are still attached to past lovers which led to a disconnection from our feminine essence and thus, show up physically as an imbalance in our sensitive endocrine system.

What I experience in my work is that as soon as a woman comes back home to her body and perceives her inner voice again, she radiates in all of her vitality, health and power. And this is her birthright!

What routines and rituals for the soul do you practise each day/on a regular basis that help you feel connected to both yourself and the world around you?

I don’t have a daily routine as every day is so different. I love tuning into my body and ask her what she needs today. I work a lot with music and dance and let my body move intuitively to the rhythms to feel my emotions and let them move through me so that I can tap into the wisdom they have for me.

In the evenings, I love doing a breast massage (I wrote an ebook about why and how to massage your breasts which you can download for free here) and from there going into a self-pleasure practice which can include a yoni massage, de-armouring and the yoni egg practice. I work a lot with harnessing and cultivating my sexual energy for healing and channelling it into my creations as it’s the practice which brings me home to my body the most as well as it allows me to expand my state of consciousness and connection to my higher self.

Finally, Sabrina, what is your one wish for the world?

My one wish for the world is that all people wake up to the tremendous love pulsating in their hearts. From there, everything else flows and follows.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

Thank you so much to Sabrina for this beautiful, raw and deeply nourishing conversation.

It is palpable from Sabrina’s wisdom that within the womb space is the power of alchemy and deep magic.

When we start to unravel the medicinal emotion in our bodies, it can lead to us becoming even more deeply connected into our sacred vessel. And when we allow this empowerment to flow through us, and we meet our inner goddess, well, who knows what magic we can do in the world? And who knows what life will birth us in return?

If you feel called to discover this transformation for yourself, I hope you’ll join me in accessing this place of power, healing, alchemy and magic.

What did this conversation and wisdom spark within you? I’d love to hear about your insights.

♥ CONNECT TO SABRINA AT WILD GAIA WISDOM ♥

VISIT WILD GAIA WISDOM ONLINE

Goddess Ascension Circle

WILD GAIA WISDOM SESSIONS

WILD GAIA WISDOM ON INSTAGRAM

Share and Enjoy !

Shares
Life With a Prolactinoma and Travel: An Interview with Jessica from Journeys with Jessica

Life With a Prolactinoma and Travel: An Interview with Jessica from Journeys with Jessica

A prolactinoma is a benign (noncancerous) tumor of the pituitary gland that produces a hormone called ‘prolactin’. The pituitary gland is located at the base of the brain, the size of a pea, and controls the production of many hormones.

Prolactin signals a woman’s breasts to produce milk during pregnancy and breastfeeding. Having too much prolactin in the blood, a condition called hyperprolactinemia, can cause infertility and other problems.

I recently discussed my journey of living with a prolactinoma for 10 years during pituitary awareness month. Today I’m so honoured to have the opportunity to feature a similar story from beautiful Jess Buck from Journeys with Jessica.

Jess is the most inspiring lady I have met through blogging. Her sense of wanderlust, zest for life, courage, kind heart and travels are beyond inspiring to me. It has been so special to connect with Jess through our illness, and this interview speaks such volumes to the positivity and courage that radiates through everything Jess does.

I hope this discussion of living with a prolactinoma with Jess gives you the strength to find your own self-care resources for rest and light and healing whatever you are facing.

Most importantly, I also hope this interview serves as a reminder that you are never ever alone as dark and lonely as it sometimes seems living with a chronic illness. A huge thank you to Jess for her heart and courage in sharing her story.

Hi Jess! Please can you give my readers a quick introduction to you, where you live and what you do?

Sure! I live in Oxfordshire and I work full time for a luxury travel company and work part-time as a travel blogger running my own website, Journeys With Jessica, as well as being a proud ambassador for The Pituitary Foundation too!

How long have you had a prolactinoma and how easily were you diagnosed? 

I was diagnosed with my prolactinoma 8 years ago, when I was 18, and it took the best part of 6-12 months to get diagnosed. At first, the doctors were baffled and didn’t have a clue what was wrong with me, until an MRI scan showed that I had a small tumor on the pituitary gland in the brain, and then my prolactinoma diagnosis became official. 

What symptoms did you have?

I was sick a lot, throwing up, needing the toilet all the time, having dizzy spells and horrendous headaches, often feeling sad and having weird mood swings, but the biggest symptom was lactation from my breasts – I was literally leaking breast milk and couldn’t work out why! Doctors presumed I was pregnant and made me take multiple tests that all came back negative, but I was so scared and confused as I just didn’t have a clue what was wrong with me!

What does living with a prolactinoma mean, in terms of your day-to-day living?

Day to day, my life isn’t affected hugely, I feel physically fit and healthy and look totally normal, although I do have good days and bad days. Sometimes I’m totally fine and even forget I have a condition, other days my headaches are so bad I can barely open my eyes.

There are times when I cry for no reason, or I can barely get out of bed because I feel so low. There are other times when I’m happy and full of life and feel so lucky to live the life that I do. That’s what’s the hardest thing about my condition – there is no in-between and it affects me in so many different ways that aren’t physically visible to my appearance from the outside.

What does having a prolactinoma entail in terms of medical visits and medications?

Because my prolactinoma is a micro one (about the size of a pea) I’m lucky that I don’t need to be monitored as closely as someone with a macro-tumor. I go once a year to the endocrinology ward at my local hospital in Oxford and then go for blood tests every three months to track my prolactin levels.

I also go for regular visual field tests either at the hospital or at the opticians so I can check that the tumor isn’t causing problems to my optic nerves, but so far so good!  I have been on a medication called Cabergoline for the past 8 years and it’s successfully preventing the tumor from growing any more.

I’ve been told I’ll be on the meds for life, but when I want to have children I have to come off them immediately, so I have no idea if my tumor will grow more at that stage or if it’ll remain the same size despite not being treated by Cabergoline. Being pregnant naturally increases the levels of prolactin in your body, so I may be totally fine, but I may have to be put on different medication, which is something I’ll have to discuss when the time eventually comes.

What kind of support do you get from family or friends? Has your illness affected these relationships?

My family and friends are amazing. From day one they’ve supported me and understood what my condition entails and how it affects me. I wouldn’t say any of these relationships have been affected if anything they’ve got stronger and brought me closer to people!

When you’re having a bad day with your prolactinoma, what does this entail, and what things help the most?

My headaches are the biggest thing for me. Some days they are so bad I can barely open my eyes, and I struggle a lot with that, especially when I’ve got to go to work and sit in front of a computer screen for 8 hours a day!

Sometimes I’ll feel sick and the nausea will be quite difficult to deal with, other days I’ll just wake up in a bad mood and feel really low all day but will have no idea what’s caused it. When I’m feeling like that I’ve learnt I need to switch off and give myself time to reflect and start thinking about why I’m so low. Often it’s because I’m fed up of my headaches, but sometimes it’s because of no reason at all and that’s definitely something that’s hard to deal with. How can you make yourself feel better if you don’t know what the problem is?!

My condition is complicated, and it’s only now, after 8 years, that I’m fully understanding what each of my signs and symptoms involves and how I can manage them when I’m having a bad day. 

What is the hardest and/or best lesson your condition has taught you?

To live life to the full, to not let anything hold you back, and to believe in yourself. Don’t give up – every day is a gift and waking up being able to breathe, walk and talk unaided is something we should never take for granted.

How do you find living with a chronic illness affects mental health?

I have good days and bad days, but when I’m having a bad day and I’m feeling down I do struggle to see the positive side of things and can be quite negative. I think that’s my hormones but it might be in my head too. When I’m feeling like that I remove myself from social media and try to feel better by surrounding myself with people who are good for me. 

What are your goals and ambitions despite living with a prolactinoma?

My goal is to still travel as much as possible and to enjoy life to the full. I want to continue to have a successful blog, a successful career in the travel industry and to make myself proud of not letting my illness hold me back.

My ultimate life goal? All I’ve ever really wanted is to be a mum, so if I’m lucky enough to have children despite my condition causing fertility problems, that would make all my dreams come true.

What advice would you give to anyone reading this living with a chronic illness?

Please talk to someone. It could be a friend or family member or a doctor or counsellor- whoever it is please talk. Don’t keep things bottled up- sharing is caring and I promise you that it will help massively when you’re trying to come to terms with something that you’re finding difficult. 

What is one/some of your favourite quote(s) for daily inspiration?

My favourite quote has become a bit of a motto of mine, and it’s actually a song called ‘Hold On’ from 80s band Wilson Philips:

‘No one can change your life except for you’

It’s that simple- only you can change things, or how you deal with things, and as soon as you realise you can take control of your own destiny, you’ll start to believe in yourself so much more.

Finally, in what ways can our readership, friends and family do to help advocate for you, me and anyone living with pituitary conditions?

I hope that by talking about our conditions and highlighting the signs and symptoms of them we can raise awareness of pituitary problems as a whole and start giving support to those who need it, especially newly diagnosed patients who may be feeling overwhelmed at the prospect of dealing with their conditions. The most important thing is to make people feel that they are not alone!

♥♥♥♥♥♥

A huge thank you to Jess once more for opening up about parts of her journey with her daily life living with a prolactinoma and sharing such love and light through her methods of management.

Sometimes the choices and compromises living with a pituitary condition seem unfair and without reprise. I’m so inspired that through this discussion with Jess that whilst living with a prolactinoma is an extra challenge in life, it also teaches us that much more, and gives us a perspective that we might not have had otherwise. 

For more information about living with a prolactinoma, I have a dedicated category for pituitary posts here. My own account of living with a prolactinoma can be found here.

Jessica’s Blog

Just a quick disclaimer that these posts are solely for inspiring wellness based on my/others I interview experiences; this is not medical advice. For more information, and support please head to the Pituitary Foundation.

Share and Enjoy !

Shares

Living with a Prolactinoma: Life with a Pituitary Tumour & How I was diagnosed with a Prolactinoma

Disclaimer: The information in this post is based on my personal experience of living with a pituitary condition and other illnesses as discuss below. This is not medical advice. It’s highly advisable to contact a medical professional to discuss Pituitary conditions.

October marks Pituitary Awareness Month and I would like to take this time to write in detail about living with a Prolactinoma and how I came to be diagnosed.

As of this year, it’s now 10 years since being officially diagnosed with a Prolactinoma, my personal type of Pituitary condition. I can hardly believe it’s been so long.

Whilst sometimes I feel self-conscious discussing the condition in detail, I truly feel that acknowledging this condition, and the vulnerability illuminated surrounding it can then illuminate hope and comfort for others processing similar things. It’s my greatest hope that this post can be something I longed for when I was initially diagnosed.

What is a Prolactinoma?

Before I break down what a Prolactinoma is, let’s first take a trip back to biology class and discuss the pituitary gland, where it is in our bodies, why it is so important, and how it works.

The pituitary is a gland about the size of a pea that is joined to the base of the brain. It is found behind the nose and the sphenoid sinus (the air space behind the face), right below another important and related structure called the hypothalamus.

Known as the ‘master gland’ from school, the pituitary gland is often called the master gland because it controls several other hormone glands in your body, including the thyroid and adrenals. 

Though just a small, pea-sized gland on the underside of the brain, the pituitary is a crucial and complex hormone powerhouse that also produces many different hormones, that helps to control and coordinate the release of other hormones throughout the body.

The most common problem with the pituitary gland occurs when a benign tumour (used to describe a ‘growth’) also called an adenoma, develops. 

The more common pituitary conditions include acromegaly, Cushing’s, diabetes insipidus, hypogonadism, hypopituitarism and prolactinoma. The latter of which I live with.

A prolactinoma is a type of pituitary tumour (adenoma) that produces an excessive amount of the hormone prolactin. And although pituitary conditions are extremely rare, prolactinomas are the most common type of hormonally-active pituitary tumour.

Doctors and specialists use the words ‘tumour’, ‘adenoma’ or ‘growth’ which means a swelling on the pituitary gland. These tumours only grow very slowly and many do not seem to grow at all.

Prolactin is an important reproduction hormone and following childbirth, prolactin levels are increased. 

Prolactin is sometimes known as the ‘milk hormone’ because it stimulates milk production after childbirth, but it is also produced in men, although in smaller amounts.

FSH and LH hormones are in control of sex and reproduction. In women, they cause the release of the sex hormone oestrogen and stimulate the ovaries to produce eggs. Together these hormones are essential for a normal menstrual cycle. In men, they cause the release of testosterone and stimulate the production of sperm from the testicles.

The normal function of prolactin is that it stimulates the breast tissues to enlarge during pregnancy. After the delivery of the baby, the mother’s prolactin level falls unless she breastfeeds her infant. Each time the baby nurses from the breasts, prolactin levels rise to maintain milk production.

Prolactinoma Symptoms

Most pituitary adenomas are slow-growing and benign, which means they are not cancer and do not spread to other parts of the body. However, as they grow bigger, they can put pressure on nearby structures, such as the nerves that connect the eyes to the brain and cause symptoms.

There are then two types of prolactinomas: microadenomas (this is my type) that are less than 1 cm while macroadenomas are above 8mm. The size may play a role in symptoms caused by local compression and may determine the therapy of choice.

Symptoms of a Prolactinoma

The following symptoms are likely in premenopausal women.

  • Infertility
  • Amenorrhea (the absence of a menstrual period)
  • Irregular menstrual periods
  • Galactorrhea (nipple discharge)
  • Inappropriate breast milk production
  • Headache
  • Impaired vision
  • Vision loss
  • Low bone density
  • Increased growth of hair on the face or body

Women who have already gone through menopause may experience the following.

  • Headache
  • Impaired vision
  • Vision Loss

Symptoms likely in men include the following.

  • Decreased libido
  • Erectile dysfunction
  • Inability to maintain an erection
  • Enlargement of breast tissue
  • Nipple discharge
  • Infertility

My Prolactinoma symptoms

Before I discuss my own personal prolactinoma symptoms I had building up to my diagnosis, I thought I would discuss my medical background before then. 

It was during my late teens and early twenties that a ‘clusters of symptoms’ started to develop within my body. But things truly spiralled during my time at University.

I was battling a plethora of very strange symptoms that I just couldn’t understand. However just to rewind to before my time at University, I was dealing with amenorrhoea (loss of periods). In truth, I feel I never started my periods properly as a result. Things only ‘started’ when I was put on the pill at 17. But bizarrely, when I did eventually have a period, I suffered horrific period pains, so severe I couldn’t go into college or my student job, and that one period could sometimes last for a whole month. It would then disappear for months and months and months. Before the age of 21, I probably had 2 periods a ‘year’, other than the phantom period pains I experienced.

And at this time in life, I still have no regular monthly period despite 10 years of medication to treat the prolactinoma. This lack of the seemingly ‘normal’ 28-day cycle that is drilled into us, or even beyond has left a scar of being deeply unconnected with my soul femininity that has plagued me throughout my teens and early twenties. I felt so self-conscious and still do. And I’m torn between seeing menstruation as a deep blessing but also when I do experience it, a hugely unbearable thing to endure.

Like every undiagnosed, chronically ill person reading this knows only too well, suffering in such a way is not just physically draining, but also emotionally unbearable, and especially in such formative years of my life.

I went backwards and forwards to doctors who left me with diagnoses of exhaustion, stress, anorexia and depression. The latter at least was resonating more than ever with the symptomatic lost feeling I had towards my health and life at that point.

But I forever felt that I had to fight relentlessly to be taken seriously by the medical profession and it truly felt like being in an actual ‘game’ attempting to fit the pieces of the jigsaw together myself. I started to feel like I didn’t know who I was anymore, as my body was transforming beyond my control and I didn’t know how to help or stop it getting worse.

And then the galactorrhea started and I just knew it was time that I demanded something more than symptom management and for someone to join the dots together. My galactorrhea became so severe that I felt I was pregnant and had to seek supplies as if I was. And yet in a cruel twist of fate, the majority of people with prolactinomas are infertile and often discover something is wrong when they want to start a family.

As well as the above symptoms, I was suffering headaches and severe vertigo and nausea making it almost impossible to be alone too much in case I fainted and ended up a vulnerable position. My skin was also suffering from mild acne with mild facial hair, and I was just feeling the extremes of PMS without any periods.

It was finally just about 10 years ago now that I was diagnosed with having a prolactinoma along with PCOs and endometriosis (I’ll focus on the overlaps of these conditions in a separate post). Naturally, the diagnosis was heartbreaking, but eventually, I took this pain and my circumstances and illuminated it with the start of Beauxoxo. Truly, without the diagnosis of this time, it’s impossible to say where or what I would be doing.

Tests and diagnosis for a Prolactinoma

Living with a Prolactinoma

On hearing the news I had a prolactinoma, I received a deeply concerning letter saying I had a tumour in my brain and that it would need to be operated on as soon as possible….!!!!!! Can you imagine how terrifying that was for someone literally putting pen to paper on my dissertation?! It’s taken so much strength to forgive my GP surgery for delivering the news so coldly when in fact once I was referred to a lovely endocrinologist I felt so reassured about the treatment options ahead.

In my case, I was given a full blood test to test all my hormones. I was then sent for a magnetic resonance imaging (MRI) scan of the pituitary gland by my specialist. I was also sent for other scans and treatments for PCOs and endometriosis but again, I’ll discuss that in another post.

The initial treatment for a prolactinoma is a dopamine agonist medication. Dopamine, a neurotransmitter, controls pituitary hormone secretion through receptors on the pituitary cells. Prolactinoma cells have a high density of dopamine receptors. Dopamine agonists then bind to the dopamine receptors and block the ability of dopamine to bind, preventing the cells of the tumour from secreting prolactin. These typically improve symptoms of hyperprolactinemia and cause the tumour to shrink, improving the visual symptoms as well.

The two most commonly used dopamine agonists are cabergoline and bromocriptine. I personally take cabergoline twice a week as it has fewer side effects for me however my vertigo issues remain and sadly my tumour still remains with fluctuating prolactin levels, but this is complicated due to the fact I now have Scleroderma and other off-shoots of this autoimmune condition such as Raynaud’s disease and gastroparesis.

Sometimes, the tumour does not respond to medication, or you cannot tolerate the medicine, perhaps due to unwanted side effects. Or in my case, other conditions might complicate the way in which the medication works. At this moment in time, this is where I stand with my prolactinoma, as the medication I take and need for Scleroderma interferes significantly with my prolactin levels. In this unusual and rare case, a specialist may recommend surgical removal of the tumour as mine has.

Whilst I sometimes have a habit of searching for light, hope and meaning in everything, it has also felt necessary to acknowledge and grieve the above deeply this year and how my current circumstances have left me unsure what direction my prolactinoma will now take.

It’s such a deep contradiction that I can readily discuss my more sinister and more menacing autoimmune disease and yet I often close-off when it comes to discussing my Prolactinoma so I feel deeply vulnerable but so proud for writing this with as much honesty, and as much as it has felt comfortable to do so. But without doubt, these 10 years have taught me that once illuminated within with light, that pain can become something of a spiritual mentor.

And whilst this is not a happily-ever-after story, rather it is still unfolding, and as much as I can focus on the positives above, I think we still wish we could do more and have more no matter who we are. 

But even on the worst days all I want to do is help others so they don’t have to suffer the long anguish of isolation and pain I suffered on my long battle to be diagnosed. 

Finally, I wanted to post this here because I know there’s a lot of people out there like me who have battled with ‘clusters of symptoms’ with no support and no light at the end of the tunnel or have watched loved ones go through this painful time.  

But most importantly, if you have a Prolactinoma, are waiting to be diagnosed or recognise yourself with some of these symptoms, please know that the treatment options nowadays is wonderful, as well as the understanding about the condition.

I really hope this account of my own journey has helped to comfort and seen in the light of the fact it is only my other illnesses making mine so mystifying and troubling at this current stage.

♥♥♥♥♥♥

Support and further information for Pituitary conditions

https://www.pituitary.org.uk/information/pituitary-conditions/prolactinoma/

https://patient.info/hormones/prolactinoma

A huge thank you for taking the time to read this and engage in any way you can with this awareness month. Truly, your constant love and support is the strength that I use to create impossible things.

If you want to help me raise some money for the vital work the Pituitary Foundation do, you can shop my Depop shop throughout October and November, where I will be donating the money to the vital work done at the Pituitary Foundation. Otherwise, sharing this post would be the kindest, most wonderful thing you could do for me.

If you have any questions about pituitary conditions, and specifically a prolactinoma, please leave your questions and comments below and I would be thrilled to connect with you all. Thank you so much for reading again xoxo

Click here for my Prolactinoma Posts

Share and Enjoy !

Shares
Depop October Update for The Pituitary Foundation | Pituitary Awareness Month

Depop October Update for The Pituitary Foundation | Pituitary Awareness Month

October marks Pituitary Awareness Month and this month I have been gathering a percentage of the sales from my Depop Shop for The Pituitary Foundation.

As of this year, it’s now ten years of being diagnosed with my Pituitary condition. I can hardly believe it’s been so long. Whilst sometimes it feels raw to even discuss today, I truly feel that acknowledging the darkness can illuminate hope and comfort for others processing similar things. 

Known as the ‘master gland’ from school, the pituitary gland is often called the master gland because it controls several other hormone glands in your body, including the thyroid and adrenals. 

The most common problem with the pituitary gland occurs when a benign tumour (used to describe a ‘growth’) also called an adenoma, develops. And the more common pituitary conditions include acromegaly, Cushing’s, diabetes insipidus, hypogonadism, hypopituitarism and prolactinoma. The latter of which I live with.

Coast Embroidery Anglaise Dress
Naomi Tsukishima Dress

Why I love Depop

Oxfam states that: ‘Every week 11 million items of clothing end up in landfill. Throwaway fashion is putting increasing pressure on our planet and its people – it’s unsustainable.’

That number above is simply unimaginable. However at last, more than ever this year, I see people realising the sheer joy that can be found in thrifting and treasuring second-hand clothes.

It would mean so much to me if more than ever you could stop by the Depop collection of pretties I have set up with my Mum where we are raising money for a charity that helps me so much both physically and emotionally.

Yumi Atlas Dress
East Skirt
Yumi Dress

Terms and conditions

T&Cs: For all my UK buyers, there is a flat rate postage of £4. This includes 2nd Class Recorded Postage, eco-packaging that has been recycled from parcels I have had over the years. It is then £15 to my international buyers that includes tracking for peace of mind. All orders will come with a little surprise or two!

How many of you love shopping on Depop? Do you shop anywhere else for beautiful sustainable fashion? I’d love to hear!

Don’t forget to share your Depop links with me below so I can check out the pretties you have for sale!

Pink Cardigan
Whistles Skirt

CLICK HERE TO SHOP MY DEPOP

Zara Dress

CLICK HERE TO HEAD TO THE PITUITARY FOUNDATION

Share and Enjoy !

Shares
9
Losing Friends Due To Chronic Illness

Losing Friends Due To Chronic Illness

One day last spring I was sat sipping chamomile tea in a beautiful hotel with one of my dearest friends with the melodic sound of Chopin (requested) deeply vibrating into my soul, the soothing mellow taste of the most exquisite tea, and it was one of the first times for a while I had felt so at peace. During our huge heart to heart, so many deep topics were discussed, but the one that was spoken about at length was loss of relationships, all of kinds, and forgiveness.  

I would describe 2018 as a year of loss in so many ways and I thought it would be an interesting topic to discuss and reflect on.

For there are the predictable losses that one has to come to terms with when you receive a life-changing diagnosis. Be it from the loss of the day to day activities once so easily achieved, to the loss of expectations, hopes and dreams and so it goes on. But the loss of friendships or relationships? Surely that’s the one thing that in the midst of the deep physical and emotional turmoil that would stay a constant? You would naturally assume that friends and relations would draw closer at such deeply vulnerable times, but actually, it can be a time where many drift away instead.

Understanding Chronic Illness 

As my discussion developed with my friend, we discussed the nature of people’s understanding of chronic illness. As a result, I surmised, on thinking and reflecting on the subject this deeply, that I believe it has something to do with the lack of commonly understood rituals for persistent stress or sustained grief.

Though deeply uncomfortable to discuss and think about, from my own experience, humans understand the finality of death better than sustained illness. As S. Kelley Harrell says: “Miraculously recover or die. That’s the extent of our cultural bandwidth for chronic illness.” Because for death there are religious and cultural conventions for observing the passing of loved ones. People attend ceremonies or memorial events, they send cards and flowers, and perhaps even make donations to the person’s favourite charity. 

But the same cannot be said about chronic illness where the “loss” isn’t final and the emotional agony is ongoing. There are no cards that acknowledge when an illness becomes a continual challenge unless of course, it’s for a hospital stay or operation. There are no ceremonies for when that individual’s life is changed immeasurably. We simply have no rituals for the sustained grief that keeps on giving or the agony that becomes a way of life. And this therein I think lies the problems for accepting the loss of friendships or relationships due to chronic illness.

Contrarily, I’m sure equally you do remember only too well an initial period of concern and compassion from many around you. Those that couldn’t do enough for you at first, and that helped, but then this help and support dwindled away. Meanwhile, your anguish and pain went on just the same and you had to cope with it alone.

Distance becomes increasingly more evident and that leads to infrequent visits and messages until it becomes all too apparent that the pain, the shackles of your suffering, has made them too uncomfortable to be present anymore. Because as discussed above, a sustained illness or grief, as perpetuated by our health-adoring, goal obsessed society, doesn’t sit well for many. And so their need to create distance ultimately stems for their own survival and peace. Ultimately: many people cannot deal with this and they don’t want to deal with this. That’s just the truth of it. 

Letting Go & Forgiveness

Growing up I had what I call a “forest of friends”. I always had a huge circle of compassionate friends, sassy friends, good time pals and those that shared my own hobbies and passions. And many of these relationships have been sustained since childhood.  

With my first diagnosis of a Pituitary Tumour at University, many of the “forest of friends” I had were so kind in their support. Because as life-changing as this diagnosis was, it was at least an illness where the main symptoms can be treated enough over time to lead a somewhat ‘normal life’. However since then, what I didn’t realise, was how much this condition would weaken my body over 10 years and lead me to my present-day state.

And over this period of time, I developed my own business, I completed two degrees and I was simply known as ‘Georgie with the one invisible illness’. That was inspirational to many. I had an alluring shiny edge despite my illness. But in February, with my latest diagnosis, everything changed. A diagnosis of one of the most serious autoimmune diseases meant a complete change in every single aspect of my life. Because of this, many fell away almost instantaneously which has been as heartbreaking as the diagnosis itself. 

After months and months of ruminating on this here’s what I truly believe, and this is so, so important to this whole discussion: not everyone who leaves you has a bad heart. They are not all bad people. At all. It’s that simply not everyone has the same heart as you. As a result, not everyone you think will be there for you will be. Even if you have been there for them in their times of need. It’s, unfortunately, that simple.

So much of what we are going through is invisible and the people that leave us at this time might simply not understand. They may not be strong enough to watch you suffer and brave enough to walk that long road with you and willing enough to make sacrifices to support you. And what’s also important to understand is that none of this has anything to do with you. I look in the eyes of my family and best friends and I know so much that to be true. So often they say: ‘I feel so helpless because I hate to see you suffer and there’s nothing I can do to make it better/I don’t know what to do to make you better’. 

On the other hand, it may actually be that they DO understand. Perhaps only too well, but it could be a trigger for something they have either experienced in their own life or witnessed in someone else. Whatever the reasons may be, the only thing that has helped me is to practise forgiveness. Forgive those who do not understand. If for no other reason than you deserve peace. And because resentment and any bitterness will only make you feel physically and emotionally worse.

For as many people as I’ve lost, other relationships I have in my life have deepened in simply unimaginable ways and I have also been blessed by new relationships entering my life with individuals who connect so vibrantly and deeply to my heart and soul. But gone is the “forest of friends” and instead replaced by a blooming garden of truly angelic souls. 

So why is it still so heartbreaking to be forgotten and left by so many others? People who you may have once connected with, loved and helped so deeply. It has taken me months to understand it but now I have accepted it. It’s simply that we cannot expect everyone to meet the new us and to accept the challenges of chronic illness. And with this we simply have to accept that we must let others go.

Letting go is a part of life but with chronic illness and pain that teaching acquires a whole new depth. As heartbreaking as it is, letting go is often the most healing action you can take. Change in itself, chronic illness or not, is inevitable in any case. So just as our lives shift and evolve, we too change and grow, and so must the people we share it with.

Self-Compassion 

The last part to this post I felt was really important to discuss is self-compassion and self-love. Without a doubt, the hardest part about living with a chronic illness, whatever that might be, is feeling like you don’t know yourself anymore, and feeling like a stranger in your own body as it transforms beyond your control. And during a period where your life is changing rapidly, and your relationships are changing too, fundamentally you have to learn to accept your condition and you have to learn to love yourself extra hard. You have to be your own best friend.

Grief and chronic illness, unfortunately, goes hand in hand. Heartbreak comes in many different forms. So instead of focusing on the heartbreak of losing loved-ones to your chronic pain and mystifying illness, trust the process of letting go, and with that have deep self-compassion for yourself, them too in letting go, and know that those meant to be will stay.

Self-compassion is a truly complex subject alone. It’s easy to like ourselves when things are going well in our lives. We feel vibrant, competent, fun, and can see the endless possibilities life has to offer. However when we’re struggling with illness, or experiencing something similar, our self-esteem can plummet. Through this, we may see ourselves as unlovable, isolated and stuck but please know it’s far better to be in the presence of those that deeply love and care for us no matter where we are in life and what is happening, than those who can only love one part. 

I could add so much more to this post but one final point on self-compassion is to know that whilst most will fall away naturally, it’s also okay to outgrow people organically ourselves. We are who we are right now and it’s so important to never shrink ourselves to be accepted. I’ve equally had to end so many friendships where I felt disrespected and small. Or I’ve felt empty in the presence of some and felt isolated and lonely in a crowd. From my own experience dealing with the end of these relationships was more traumatic. 

But no matter how these relationships end, remember that we’re all human and therefore fallible. Letting go of any bitterness and accepting what is has been so liberating. I can think of so many people full of compassion for others who find it hard to turn it back on themselves.  We need to become our own advocate, both to others and to ourselves. You are always, always enough and I’ll finish this post with a quote that stresses just that.

PS: For further reading two posts that helped me so very much other than this discussion with my friend is this article by Chronic Curve and this article by Princess in The Tower.

“Pain diminishes us, and it is so important to remember, in the midst of pain and everything that pain takes from you, that still … you are enough. You are enough just as you are. You are worthy of love and kindness. You are enough. And you have enough.” ― Steve Leder

Pin me for later?

Share and Enjoy !

Shares
Shares